How to Not Let PMS Ruin Your Relationships – Cora

How your partner can best take care of both themselves, and you.

If you trust your partner, it’s important to tell them details you may not have told anyone before.

“One crucial point to understand is this: many women feel various degrees of embarrassment and even shame about this subject. I have met a number of women who simply are not comfortable talking about this with any man, even their married partner,” says s Dr. Gary Brown, psychologist. “I think that it’s vital that a man take the time to get to know what his partner experiences, needs, and does not need when she is experiencing the most uncomfortable parts of her cycle.”

He continued, “It may be that she is shy and can’t start the conversation. This is a good time to hack your courage, and ask her in the most non-judgmental way, what her experience is:  e.g. bloating, mood swings, blood flow, menstrual cramps, where she is on the pain-scale (on a scale of 1 to 10 with “1” being the mildest of discomfort, and “10” meaning that she might very well need to go to her OB, urgent care, or the emergency department to help her manage the pain.)”

Dr. Brown says there are two very crucial questions that you should ask your partner when she is having her period.

The first question, he says, is to simply ask her what she needs. Would she like a hot towel, some Motrin, a cup of her favorite tea, some time alone, time together, silence, low light if she gets excruciating headaches, go to the pharmacy to get her prescription pain meds – basically anything that you can do to help support her and ease at least some of her suffering.

The second question, he says, is this: ask her, what don’t you need right now?  What would not be helpful? The answers are going to vary from one woman to the next, and will likely vary during different phases of her cycle.  Get to know what she likes and what she doesn’t like.Also, be prepared to hear what appear to be conflicting statements. Her needs may very well change from one moment to the next.  Be a calm and as patient as you possible can. Remember, she is the one who is suffering, so her needs are the priority right now.

“First, and foremost, you need to understand that this is not about you. It’s about your partner.  With that said, if things are really bad, you have every right to put some reasonable distance between you and her.

Of course, this is a tact you can take after you have asked your partner if there is anything that you can do to support her, and possible help to relieve some of her symptoms,” he says.

“Gently acknowledge to their suffering partner that they want to be supportive but right now, but when your partner is at the height of anger, that perhaps you need to go into another other room.  I have seen so many couples enhance their trust of one another when they talk about this subject. Building another level of trust will lead to more vulnerability, and that leads to more empathy, and a deeper sense of love between you.”